Harry Potter famous author pastiches

The Guardian ran a contest to write an account of the Dumbledore in the style of a famous writer.
[Click here for the results]

( If James Ellroy wrote the death scene )

Man Shoots Postman to go to Jail

[And to escape 90,000 in medical debts]

Sneaky....it's a federal offense to shoot a postman. Coudln't he have just mugged him and taken the mail, though? That's a federal offense, too.

JG Ballard on CSI (the tv show)

( Cut-and-pasted article from Sydney Morning herald )

I break for midget porn

BAAAAD t-shirt to be wearing if you get popped for a DUI and have to get a mugshott.....

In compliance to your father's threat....

Have to record this for posterity (like in case she makes the nightly news at some future date). But here is a letter that was mailed to my student account today:

( In compliance to your father's threat... )

So...to make a long story short - me and my sister sort of have a stalker (from hs....long time ago). And past week she's had my parent's phone number on speed dial, and calling up all my relatives to find my cell phone number or my sister's. And....shit's been a little weird just recently. She masqueraded as a student of mine (who I don't have) and left a message for me at the math dept. yesterday and today. And she called my Aunt at 12:30 at night...and my aunt thought at first it was a phone call from the government about my cousin Carl (he's in the rangers in Iraq) so she kind of freaked. That really sucked. And she called my other aunt Donna, and my Uncle Louie, and my other uncle denny.

On the plus side - she hasn't started making death threats (like she did with one of her professors at UC Santa Barbara). Of course, I haven't cleaned out the voice mail on my mom's cell phone yet (which is full of Thoy messages).

So anyone out there on my flist have experience dealing with creepy sociopathic stalkers? =) I am hoping this is my last one. It really bites =( =(